Justin Update (get it?)

Hey everyone!

Thank you sooooooooooooooo much for all the helpful advice that you gave me on figuring out my doctor ‘issues’.  I decided to be ’sly’ and try to casually move my next appointment over to the other doctor to ‘try her out’ before committing.  Well, the receptionist was not having it and said, “The doctors prefer to only see their primary patients.”

Drat.

So, I decided to let Dr. KeepMePG have one last shot at earning my hefty insurance reimbursements before I jump off the deep end and permanently pursue a different doctor.  Oddly enough, I’ve asked for recommendations from a local site I’m on and guess whose name keeps coming up as being WONDERFUL?

No really, guess.

Yup, you’re right:  Dr. KeepMePG himself.

So, depending on next visit, I will either have to get confrontational on that receptionist’s, ahem,’ scheduling book’ or stay with Dr.Wonderful himself.  I guess we shall see.

In other news, I was pleased as punch to learn that my peri’s office got in a batch of H1N1 vaccine for their patients!  Woohoo!  And one of those vials has MY name on it (well not actually but…you know).  So, in the spirit of my own upcoming vaccination, I drove me son to my county’s local health department and got HIM the H1N1 vaccine as well.  He wasn’t a big fan, and required two nice nurses to hold him while they sprayed it up his nose.  I told him it wasn’t a shot.  But I guess he didn’t believe me.  Now I see what we’re in for with every vaccination trip to the doc’s for the next few years. 

Yippee.

I’ve been up and about A LOT more the past few days since I got my good u/s report.  What’s made it easier is that I don’t constantly feel like hurling every couple minutes.  I think the antibiotic I was taking was making me a lot sicker.  Evil little pills, those 500mg Keflex were.  So, in being up and about…I actually got to see two clients yesterday for the first time in 5 weeks. 

Yahoo!

I’m hoping to hang in there with my clients for at least 3 more months before I will either be on bedrest or need to really start taking it easy due to my history of pre-term labor.  But, working for 3 more months (I hope) means:  MONEY!

And boy do we need money, because not only did we learn that we need to replace our windows due to all kinds of bad issues, but we also learned that we have termite damage under at least one of our windows.   Not like, ‘our house is going to fall into the basement’ termite damage.  But really, no termite damage is good, right?

But on a much brighter note, I’m excited to do some Halloweening tomorrow and Saturday with my son.  He has developed a very hearty fear of anyone wearing masks, so not quite sure how things will actually go in the midst of a bunch of kids wearing, well, MASKS.  I’ve tried my best to help prepare my son for the mask-a-ween adventures, but well, I also told this kid he was NOT getting a shot today…and you read where that got me.

Anyway,

Happy Halloween to you all!!!!!

 

Ramblings of a Pregnant Woman

I’m not quite believing that I am, in fact, truly hemtoma-free.  Probably pretty similar to the fact that I didn’t quite believe that I was actually pregnant, either.  Call me a Doubting Thomasina I guess.

So, what to say.  Well, I guess the first thing to say is that my mom has been here working her TAIL off for me the past few days.   She has tried to catch us up on laundry, scrubbed down our bathroom from top to bottom, changed my son’s closet from spring-summer clothes to fall-winter clothes, made cupcakes for my son’s preschool, and spoiled my son so rotten he practically reeks!  She leaves on Tuesday (pause) if  I let her.

My mom and my hubby tried to paint my son’s new room today (he’s moving to the small room to make concessions for the twins – the first, I’m sure, among a multitude of concessions he will be making).  Good news is we got a very handsome  ’seaside blue’ for his walls.  Bad news is that we discovered that our window in that room has been leaking into the interior of the wall and causing very, very bad things to occur.  NOT. GOOD.

So, hubby and I went window shopping today.  I mostly just sat on the rolling chair they scooted me around in while looking at all the windows and had a hard time hearing the salesman but for the very loud “ka-chinging’ in my head at every window feature.

NOT. GOOD.

So, we’re getting at least SOME new windows it seems.   Not really what I wanted to hear seeing as I have been on bedrest missing work for 5 weeks and seeing as we’re expecting TWINS in about 6 months.  Cue panic rising in my body like an uncontrollable convulsion.

Hubby, who is by far the more rational of the two of us, was unphased.  “THIS  is not something to stress about,” he says with a grin.  Yes, I see his point.  We’ve thrashed our way out of the jungle of infertility down into a the cave of possible pregnancy loss…a few new windows is no big deal.  “No big deal,” I tell myself.

I wish money secretly grew in our tomato garden.

Anyway, subject change.  I’m not feeling so fantastic about my perinatologist.  This makes me very sad.  The first time I met him he was plenty nice, in fact he’s always been plenty nice.  And plenty late.  And plenty frazzled.  Like, every time I meet him I have to re-explain my medical history.  Isn’t that why they keep charts?  And seriously, I’ve seen this guy every two weeks since I was 6 weeks pregnant, wouldn’t you think there would be a time where he would start to remember I’M HAVING TWINS??????

Totally true, he’s feeling my uterus at my visit and says, “I feel one good sized baby in there.”  To which I replied, “Well, I hope you feel TWO!”  Dorkus.

OK, so I’m a medical professional (therapist, not a doctor), and I know it’s hard to remember every stinking detail about someone.  THAT is why I invented this neat little thing I like to call ‘taking notes’.  And before I see that client, I actually LOOK at those notes and remind myself of what’s going on with them.  I like to think this makes them feel ‘important’ and maybe like they’re actually ‘getting their money’s worth’.

So here’s the dilemma.  I’m at the top-rated hospital for high-risk pregnancy in my area with the best NICU available.   I’m with the ‘premiere perinatology’ practice there that runs both the perinatal diagnostic center as well as the inpatient pregnant patients.  I don’t want to go back to my old OB, even though I love him.  He’s at a hospital where they don’t even have a NICU.   Assuming these babies will be somewhat early, I want to be in the same hospital as they are. 

Seeing as I don’t really want to change practices, luck would have it that I met a VERY friendly female doctor at my peri’s practice during my u/s this Friday.  She was delightful, funny, warm and honest with me.  Sooooooo, do I call the office and ‘officially’ transfer my care over to her?  Should I instead schedule my next visit with her and THEN decide?  I hate ‘making things awkward’, but I can’t imagine staying with a doctor who can’t remember even the SLIGHTEST detail about my case.  I know I will still be dealing with ol’ Dr. KeepMePg since they work on a rotating schedule in the perinatology center (where I do my ultrasounds) and on-call.  But then, would he really remember me anyway???

Sorry for the aburpt ending here, but…

What would you do?

News Flash…

I’ll make this quick for now:

Had my 13 week u/s today.

Two beautiful heartbeats in the 150s.

Four waving, punching and flapping arms.

And…

No hematoma!!!!!!!!!

(at least that they could see)

Praise God for answering our prayers. 

Will update more soon!

Pre-nap Post

OK, gotta make this post short.  Because I’m tired, and my son is napping right now.  Why am I tired?  Hmmmm…not really quite sure.  Does making my son a lunch of grapes, string cheese and microwave chicken count?  I think part of the tiredness is due to the phenergan that I took last night after getting icky-sicky from dinner.

Yum.

I think it’s also because I actually was out and about some yesterday.  It was very surreal, emerging from my sarcophagus of a house into a brilliantly sunny day.  I actually drove my son to preschool and walked him into his classroom for the first time in a month!  In my head, I could hear the theme music from “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” blaring as I entered the school.

 Duuuuuuuuh, Dummmmmm, Dunnnnnnn,  Dun-nuuuuuuuuuuuh! (cue tymponies pounding)

My son didn’t really seem all the impressed.  He was just excited to get to his classroom and start playing trucks with his friends.  It was a productive walk, I ended up seeing a few friends/acquaintances I hadn’t seen since this whole bedrest debuchle began, and all were ready and willing to help me get my son back and forth to school if I end up back on bedrest again.

After my momentous walk, I had a lunch date with friends.  All of the friends had their kids there, and I cannot state ENOUGH how completely enjoyable it was to be there and NOT have to worry about the lamp that my son was breaking or the ‘light sabre’ fight that occurred with nerf baseball bats and was destined for injury.  It was beeeeeautiful!  And I got some badly-needed maternity clothes leant to me for icing on the cake.

The afternoon wrapped up with me doing that looooooong walk back into to get my son from preschool.  Once again, he didn’t seem that impressed it was ME getting him and not some other helpful friend.  Ah well.  In motherhood, you often have to remind yourself that all the of the sweat and angst and effort goes toward the greater good, despite the lack of thank you’s received.  I think it’s sort of the same with marriage, no?

So, it was a good day yesterday.  At least until the sickness started.  Not sure if the sickness was made worse by the earlier freedoms allowed or what.   Hmmm, I get sick no matter what anyway.  My mom is coming today, and the house is NOT in what is my usual ‘guest preparedness’ form.  But, it’s just the way things are right now:

sort of messy and raw and ill-prepared.

But, get this:  I’m 13 weeks this Thursday, and that is CERTAINLY something to celebrate! 

I, for one, am going to celebrate this week-a-versary with a nice, cozy nap.

Feel free to join me.

Blah.

(I’ve been sick, and I’m going to complain.  Feel free to skip on out, since this is not my best ‘appreciative of pregnancy’ moment right now.)

Been sick here.

Blah.

On Monday, my son came up to snuggle with me, and my ‘maternal thermometer’ detected a fever…confirmed by a ‘real thermometer’:  101.5.  So, instantly my brain goes into “Swine Flu panic mode”.   And it really did not have as much to do with my poor red-cheeked son, but to the fact that I’m pregnant, and I keep hearing these terrible tales of pregnant women DYING from the Swine flu!  So, send my hubby to give my son some Tylenol…and 5 seconds later, my son has thrown up the Tylenol and all his dinner (which, thankfully, only consisted of cucumbers) all over my poor hubby.

Good.  False alarm.  Stomach Flu it is.

A very long story summarized here is that my son only threw up once, and still had fever of 102 during the night.  This earned him a trip to the pediatrician to get swabbed for both Influenza A and H1N1.  He was negative.   Apparently, the H1N1 test has false negatives, so we were still a little worried…that is until my son’s fever broke 24 hours after it began, and he was happily running around the house playing the darned plastic recorder that my mom got for him (oh, there will be payback for that) this summer.  My mother, by the way, has given him EVERY noise-making toy he has ever had:

• Plastic recorder (like the kind you get in the 4th grade).  What does a 3 year-old need with this?
• Plastic horn.  When my son plays this, my dog howls in unison.  Yeah, it’s great.
• Walkie-talkies.  Um….my son is an ONLY child.
• Stuffed Chicken that quacks “The Chicken Dance” song when you press its beak.
• A Winnie the Pooh electronic book that makes the MOST obnoxious noises and has no volume control…or off button.
• An Elmo ‘radio’ that sings when you push its blue musical note.  Even in the toy box, this possessed toy would start rattling off its horrendous electronic ‘music’ in the middle of the night.  Sad to say, it’s been put away.  Far away.

I could go on, but these are just the things that came to mind!

Anyway, I’ve been quite sick with migraines and hyperemesis (a fancy name for ‘all the time morning sickness’).  I think that is why I’m so sensitive to the volume level of my son’s toys.  This kid is loud anyway, he doesn’t NEED any amplifiers!  Anyway, the hyperemesis is being controlled by 8mg of Zofran two times a day and nice sleep-inducing dose of Promethazine at night.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t help me eat.

Eating has become WORK to me lately.

Nothing sounds good.  Nothing.  It’s like taking medicine, just something you have to do so you can check it off the list.  Right now, I’m pretty much surviving on a modified ‘BRAT’ diet of toast, baked or mashed potatoes, bananas, cheerios, mild soups, and saltines.  Blech.

Wednesday evening I started getting a migraine and couldn’t keep down any of my meds to help it.  By Thursday morning, I knew I was in trouble…I couldn’t even keep down sips of water.  So, off to the ER we went.   A very summarized version is this:

• Got a great nurse who gave me a KICKIN’ IV, especially considering I was dehydrated.
• Got meds to stop the puking…these worked great!
• Got meds to help the headache…these didn’t work quite as great, but took the ‘edge off’ I guess.
• Got another u/s of my twin beans (though I didn’t get to see the screen) and saw two healthy babies who were not feeling in the slightest way sorry for making their mommy so very sick.
• Got to come home and still have the remnants of a headache.

So, there we are.  I woke up this AM with the familiar pounding behind my left eye, but luckily the Midrin seems to be holding it at this point.  Now I’m gearing myself up for my next meal:  I’ve had dry cheerios today, two glasses of water, and a stick of string cheese.  Hmmm….what to have for lunch? 

Ummm…any suggestions?

My son will be coming home from his friend’s house soon.  If I’m quick, I might be able to hide all his ‘musical instruments’.  Well, that is until my mom comes next week.  She’ll probably be bringing him a drum set or something.

…and so it goes.

Bad, Good, Better, Best!

Well, I’m on this ‘Subchorionic Hemmorhage’ support group online.

It’s been so good to hear other women’s experience with this.  To know that my fear that I could start gushing blood at any time is actually sort of ‘normal’, all things being considered.  To hear others who are too scared to go web-surfing for cute little baby items or make fun lists of baby names.  But, it’s darn right horrifying to hear some of these women, that you were just talking with the day before, suffer through sad and painful losses.

Horrifying.

I’m so very sorry for them, and never have the right words to say.  I mean, there ARE no right words.   So anyway…I guess that’s how it goes when you’re on a message board with a lot of high-risk pregnancies.   You get the good stories and the not so good stories.  Now I’m trying to decide if my SCH support group is providing me more comfort than fear.  I’m pretty sure ‘comfort’ is still winning.  I mean, I’ve been involved in the ALI community long enough to have read dozens and dozens of very sad stories.  But it never felt so close before I guess.

Wow, I’m starting off sounding really down…and I’m actually feeling pretty good.  Heck, I walked down the basement stairs yesterday.  All 13 of them.  How do I know there’s 13 stairs?  Well, that’s how I taught my son to count.  Bummer is he STILL (two years later) can really only count to 13 effectively.  After that, it’s like..

mmmteen,

umteen,

whatteen,

TWENTY!

Going down was not bad.  Going up.  (Sigh) It’s amazing how many muscles one loses in a mere 3 weeks of bedrest.  But the point I was trying to make (hidden SOMEWHERE in here) is that I’m enjoying a bit more freedom.  And that’s good.  And it’s scary. 

What’s even more good, or I guess proper English would be ‘better’, is that I think I’ve started to feel my little jumping beans.  I wasn’t sure if it was psychosomatic (who moi?) or not, but I swear I’ve felt these subtle little butterfly flaps now and then.  Oh, I’m looking forward to when these babies will be knocking into my ribs, painfully reminding me of their healthy presence!

And the most good, er ‘best’ of all things to report is that I actually got out of the house today to a friend’s house.  Yaaaaay!  One can put their feet up on other’s couches as easily as one’s own.  But the change of couch was MIGHTY nice…and the company.  I’ve been really lonely these past few weeks.  And my friend, who is also pregnant, just happens to have her own Doppler. 

So, you know I HAD to do it, right? 

Like, I was compelled. 

And wouldn’t you know we heard two separate, static-filled thump-thumps RIGHT in the spots where I’ve felt those phantom butterflies?  Not sure what I would’ve done if it we had heard nothing.  Panicked, I guess.

So, resting comfortably at home right now. 

Skipping my SCH support group for the day. 

Pretending, instead, to be having a normal and amazingly mundane pregnancy.

I Can Feel My Brain Cells Dying…

I think I’m going brain numb.

I’ve opened up an ‘add new post’ window to this blog at least four other times this week, only to stare blankly at the space, sigh, and close it down.  I think it’s because blogging takes at least SOME form of mental effort for any type of post and a GOOD deal of mental effort for a decent post.

And I would qualify my mental effort reserve as near empty at this point.

That is because bedrest makes you dumber.   Add that to the increased dumbness that pregnancy brings…and I’m in nit-wit category right now.  I can’t seem to concentrate on anything for any length of time, I can’t think of words when I want to say them, and I can’t seem to muster up the energy to be clever in a blog.

So, I guess you get ‘dumbed down Eve’ today.  Sorry.  Pretend I’m saying all sorts of hilarious and witty things in here.

I do have an agenda though:

First off, I want to thank all who have left me such sweet and caring comments.  They really do mean so much to me.  And I so appreciate those who have shared with me your personal experience.  It’s so nice to hear others’ stories who have been in this very uncertain place and know I’m not alone!

Secondly, I had a good appointment with my peri on Tuesday!  We did have to wait an hour again to get in (grrrrrrr), but I was paid back by the fact I got yet another sneak-peek at my little twin beans.  They still looked great!  Dr. KeepMePg said that their hearts were beating strong and they had healthy looking placentas.  He seemed to feel that our chances for the hematoma resolving without causing complications had improved substantially in two weeks.  He originally told us things were 50/50, but NOW said it’s more like 90% good with a 10% chance of loss.

So, gotta love those new odds.

Last bit of stuff to tell is that I took some of your advice and started a ‘totally public’ blog to update the pregnancy.  It’s really not that fun to write in it, since it feels much more like a ‘dear diary’ type thing.  But it’s a great way to keep people plugged into what’s going on without 10o phone calls after each appointment. 

Hmm…besides that I’m doing pretty well, oh yeah, Dr. KeepMePg said I could be up and about a little more, as long as I had no new red bleeding.  So that’s been nice just to stretch my legs and sometimes put random out of place items (for example, my fuzzy slippers that my son was wearing on his hands in the kitchen) in their rightful home.  I’m fighting pretty severe morning sickness right now though.  I’m taking Zofran, that nectar of the gods, to manage it.  Thank goodness.  So I’m not doing a lot of upchucking.  But I still constantly feel nauseous, weak, and have a terrible aversion to eating most anything.

I’m sure that’s adding to my brain dumbness.

On a VERY good note, my mom is coming to visit in a week and half!

HALLELUJAH!

She said she is visiting for a good old ‘work week’ to get our house back around, help me with errands I’ve been putting off, and even to paint my son’s room!  I’m not sure I’ll let her go back home after just a week.  Darn her ’semi-retired’ work schedule!

OK, I really should stop rambling on.

I think it’s time for a nap…

if you haven’t already fallen asleep.

The Business of Bedrest

Bedrest complaints, pregnancy updates, and talk of loss worries ahead…

Sorry no updates all week.  I mean, I had the time and all.  It’s just, how many ‘this stinks being on bedrest with a high risk pregnancy’ posts can one write…or READ?  So, I figured I’d wait awhile and let stuff to talk about, well, accumulate.

It accumulates rather slowly on bedrest, as you can imagine.

Biggest news is that I had another ultrasound.  I wasn’t supposed to have one  until this Monday, but I started having more reddish rather than brownish (sorry tmi) spotting again, along with this nagging pain in my lower abdomen.   Had I not had any of this bleeding/spotting stuff, I would’ve dismissed the pain as normal tugs, pinches and pulls of pregnancy.  But nothing about this pregnancy is normal, so instead I got an ultrasound.

I’ll post the good news numerically, as there were several good points:

1. They had wheelchairs readily available at the hospital’s front door.
2. We only waited maybe 15-20 minutes this time instead of the TWO HOURS last time.
3. They decided I was far enough along to do an external u/s and didn’t require any bladder filling torture either.
4. We saw two beautiful beating hearts still!  Baby A was 170ish and Baby B was 180ish.
5. Both babies are measuring well:  Baby A was 9weeks5days, Baby B was 10weeks1day (my actual count).
6. The bleed was still there but didn’t look any bigger.
7. Doc felt it had a good chance of healing!!!!!

So, I had a couple of refreshing breaths after my visit than I’ve had in the past two weeks.  Trying my best to feel hopeful.  We even showed my son this book that shows real pictures of babies at different points in their development during pregnancy, to help him understand.  Now he pats my belly and tells me the babies ’still need some cooking’.

OK, so I’ve caught you up with my status.  That (status catching up) is a major part of a bedrest pregnancy.  You’ve got to call everyone and let them know what’s up.  Of course, it’s because they’re concerned…but it does get to be draining, especially if the what’s up is not so great.  A few times, early in this crisis I just told my hubby I didn’t want to talk to anyone for a while.  It was just easier.  And constantly talking about the discharge of my hoo-ha (though at least somewhat easier in writing) is downright embarrassing.  And I don’t embarrass easily, as you may have guessed.

What has been harder than the standard ’status updates’ is the fact I needed to contact all my clients and let them know at least some of what was going on.  I’m a therapist, and see mostly kids and teens, and it’s just not fair to them to keep them hanging.  So, I’ve gone about the tough task of telling my very private business to my client’s parents.  I mean, I could have been really vague and said “I’m going to be out for medical reasons for an indefinite amount of time” or something like that.  But, I guess I’m just living by what I’ve done on here the past 10 months….being out and honest just seems the best fit for me.  If people know it’s a life or death issue (for the beans) vs. I’ve just had liposuction or hernia surgery or something, I know they’ll be more understanding.  And it’s not like I can hide being pregnant once I get back.  I’m HUGE!

So, I guess the risk is possibly dealing with a very difficult loss in a very public way.  But I don’t think there’s any alternative.  I mean, do I hide my belly for the length of the pregnancy?  I figure, the hidden silver lining is that, should something happen, I won’t have to pretend with anyone.   Seems to me a private loss might actually be harder.

So, the last bit of bedrest business is continuing to arrange how I logistically go about things every day.  Do I risk taking my son to school, or inconvenience someone else to do it?  Do I have my hubby continue to pack soggy PB&J sandwhiches for me in the cooler, or get up and actually microwave something more edible for myself during the week?  Do I bug my hubby to sweep the floors (for the fifth time) or suck it up and ignore the dust bunnies?

I’ve some planning to do.

And take it from me, it’s IMPOSSIBLE to ignore dust bunnies.

Believe me, I’ve tried.