A Tale of 4 Hysterosalpingograms

Well, let me first qualify myself by saying that I have no idea how to actually pronounce “hysterosalpingogram” .  We IFers call them HSGs instead.  So from here on out, so will I.  I mean, I can’t imagine writing “hysterosalpingogram” over and over again!  That would be horrible, almost as horrible as actually getting on of these tests. 

NEWBIE WARNING:  If you haven’t had your ‘token’ HSG test yet, you may want to skip this post entirely.  I don’t have a lot of positive things to say about some of my experiences, although you will find many women who say that theirs was quite tolerable.  I’m sure I would just completely freak you out, so go no further.  Thanks for visiting, we’ll see you tomorrow.

Let me also qualify myself by saying that one of my HSG’s was performed while I was under anesthesia for my ‘token lap’ surgery.  But I’m still counting it because it makes me look more martyr-iffic that way.  If you have a problem with that, you’ll need to take it up with my editor.  Ahem…

Hysterosalpingogram number one:   (I know I said I wasn’t going to write it out anymore, but I just copied and pasted it and it really seems so much more fulfilling this way, ok?)

This was probably my first ‘real’ view into the world of IF.  I was TTC a little over a year and working with my reg OBgyn who suggested we do this ‘little’ test before pursuing any treatment.   He didn’t give me any helpful hand-outs or prep me in any way, except to say that it was a test to see if my tubes were clear and take 2 Advil before the procedure.

So, I drove myself to the hospital, donned my lovely paper gown, and waited to get this test done and over with, not really worried at all.  If I remember correctly (and it’s been a long time since HSG numero uno), I had my OBgyn there but also had to have the radiologist.  And one of them was late, I’m pretty sure it was my OBgyn (who I know gets a really bad rap on here, but I actually love the guy).  I mean LATE.  So, I’m waiting in this little changing closet area, already papered up, and the nurse comes in.  She says they don’t get to do this test here very often so would I mind if a few nursing students watched?  Hmmmmmm….if they weren’t all there STARING at me from behind the nurse, I might’ve said ‘no’, but I’m a doormat sometimes, often in the worst of circumstances.   More waiting, and then another knock.  The radiology tech students would like to watch too, would I be so gracious?  Well, heck, come one come all to the “Greatest Show on Earth, Eve’s HSG!”

Finally both docs get there…and there’s like, at least 15+ people in this room all waiting for me to spread eagle and be ooed and awed by the rarest of tests.  I’m  not sure which doc did what, so I’m not pointing fingers, but whichever one did the whole ‘burst’ of gas into my cervix to open my tubes for the dye, gets the prize for causing me to make the most horrible sound I have ever uttered in my life.  Sort of like a cow being shot I guess, and then slowly dying.  IN NO WAY was I prepared for the amount of pain I had.  Looking back on that pain now, I can say that it was clearly equivalent to a HARD labor contraction OR a kidney stone.   2 Advil?  Yeah right!

So, it was to be the first, but not by any means the last of my completely embarrassing moments in front of medical personnel.  I could just picture in my head all those students trying to imitate the dying bovine noise that came from my mouth and trying to stifle their snickers for days later.   Oh yeah, and my tubes looked clear.

Hysterosalpingogram number two:

No biggie here.  I got it while I was fast asleep during my lap.  Despite what I said earlier, I really didn’t have the ‘token’ lap like most IFers.  I had a two-fer-one instead:  I got my gallbladder out by my surgeon and then my OBgyn took over and did an exploratory lap.  If tons of medical students were in there for that one, I couldn’t tell you, but I wouldn’t be surprised if a few wanted to see the ‘dying cow girl’ for themselves.  Anyway,  here is one of the redeeming qualities about my OBgyn, he discovered that I had extensive endometriosis and removed all the adhesions that were covering my uterus, tubes and ovaries.   Bad part about having such extensive surgery is that I had a pot-belly stomach that looked, I’m not joking here, like I was 5 months preggo for months after.  And that’s just cruel.

Hysterosalpingogram number three:

So my RE wanted to look at all the tests done by my OBgyn while I was still getting my initial infertility work-up TTC #1.  Unfortunately, my RE said that the image quality of the two HSGs that I  had was so poor that he felt like we needed to do another one.  I told him I felt like he was on crystal meth.  OK, I didn’t.  I was so gung-ho about getting preggers that I agreed to yet another test.  This time, though, I had a plan.  I drove myself to ANOTHER hospital and slipped myself a little Vicodin (leftover from my lap surgery…woo-hoo!) before the test.  Then, knees knocking I fretted away waiting for the doc to arrive.  The nurse said this doctor was ‘very’ gentle with the HSG’s, and apparently this hospital seemed to do these tests a little more often, because I didn’t have the entire cast of ER in my procedure room this time.  Admittedly, this test was WAAAAAY better, but I was so freakin’ nervous that I could hardly relax myself, and I’m sure that didn’t help things any ‘down there’.  Pain level was about 4 I’d say.   Anyway, I made it through, and my tubes looked clear.

Hysterosalpingogram number four:

So here is where, what seems to be a somewhat redeemable HSG journey really goes down the tubes (pun-intended).  I go to see the RE this past October.  And, because I had a lovely c-section with my son, he says we need to do ANOTHER HSG to make sure my tubes haven’t closed because of scar tissue.  Now, I gave him a fight this time.  I really did.  I told him, that despite every WebMD or Wikipedia or Infertility-Info type thing one can find that describes the pain of an HSG to be ‘mild cramping’, that I begged to differ with that description and would more accurately call it ‘major torture’.  So, I ask if I can have some drugs…I really did.  So he said that instead, we could just do it ’sedated’, since I’ve have such a bad experience in the past.  Pretend you are hearing the sound of an angelic choir, because that’s what it felt like when he said I could have my sedated HSG.

So, big HSG day arrives, and I’m feeling cool as a cucumber, no need to worry, I’m getting SEDATED.  Whop-pee!  My hubby drives me to yet another hospital (because I just haven’t road-tested them all yet) for this one.  I get a super friendly nurse who does a right-spiffy job with my IV, which is rather impressive because I have evil veins.  And then I wait.  Nurse comes in to announce the doc is ready, I kiss my hubby good-bye, and am wheeled into the procedure room.  And I’m just waiting for them to GIVE ME THE DRUGS!  And I wait, and the nurse and her little helper person bat in and out of the room a few times waiting for this elusive doc to show up.  So finally the nurse says to me (and I wish  I was  kidding about this):  The doctor sent me back in here to talk you out of getting the sedation.

Let me repeat that…The doctor sent me back in here to talk you out of getting the sedation.   WHAT??????

So Doc BigTime comes in all full of bravado and precedes to tell me why I shouldn’t be nervous and why the IV probably caused me more pain than the actual procedure is going to.  And, despite everything in me that wants to be a strong and resilient woman, I start to cry.  And if, you’ve read other posts I made here, it ain’t ever pretty when I cry.  I tried, through gasping sobs to explain that I had an extremely painful test years ago and my anxiety is such that I just can’t relax any more about this test and that I’m really not a wimp, that I’ve actually passed 4 kidney stones (that’s a true fact by the way), and had 24 hours of labor, and I already have the IV in…

So  here turns to the nurse and says, “Give her the smallest dose possible”.   Say what?

Honestly, I’m not sure what I ever did to this doc or what someone else did to make his heart harden up like concrete, but I found him to be the meanest medical professional I have ever dealt with.  So I cried for the rest of the procedure, and it wasn’t because it was very painful (he either gave me enough pain meds to make a difference, or he was right in the first place that my IV hurt worse), it was because I felt like a complete and total ‘nobody’ to that doc, that he didn’t even want to take the time to listen before he made some ultimate judgement about why I shouldn’t get some medication that HE wasn’t even paying for!   Honestly, dealing with that ‘doctor’ was the worst moment of my entire infertility experience.  And my tubes were clear.  (Pause for dramatic effect.)  Again.

On a positive note, my RE and his medical staff were OUTRAGED at my treatment by this hospital doctor and made a formalized complaint about him on my behalf.   But I’ll tell you one thing, if anyone EVER tries to do an HSG test on me again, I’m going to demand that I get to blow some gas and then shoot some dye up one of their orifices first.   Then we’ll see who’s crying.